Talking to your child about HIV/AIDS
By Marlene Jones
On June 27th, the country will once again commemorate the National HIV Testing Day. There will be some
positive results and some of those who receive them may be close to you and your family. Would you know how to react to and be understanding of such news; would your children?
HIV/AIDS educators say that when it comes to HIV and AIDS, open communication between parents and their
children is vital. Those in the black community have more chances of being touched by the disease because, according to government data, blacks and especially black females, account for more new HIV infection rates in the country.
The Richmond area as well as the Norfolk area have more new HIV/ AIDS cases than any other areas in Virginia. So what should parents do if they learn that a close relative, or student at their child’s school, or a family member of their child’s friend, is HIV positive?
What, if any, concerns or restrictions should be imposed? What should parents do to help their children understand the realities instead of the myths and fears about HIV?
As upsetting and confusing as it can be to bring up the subject of AIDS with young children, it’s essential to do so, say experts at Talking With Kids About Tough Issues, a national campaign by Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation. By the time children reach third grade, research shows that as many as 93 percent of children have already heard about the illness. Yet, while kids are hearing about HIV/AIDS early on, what they are learning is often inaccurate and frightening. You can set the record straight, but only if you know the
facts yourself.
What are the facts?
Start by teaching that the one who is sick, loved ones, friends and contacts all deserve understanding and compassion.
Second, your child needs to have HIV/AIDS clearly explained at her/his own level.
“Children pick up a lot more things from TV than what parents may feel is comfortable,” says C. Dallas Bell, director of F.A.C.E.S (Facing Aids Comes Emotional Support), a Richmond-based non profit organization that offers HIV/ AIDS emotional support.
Bell continues: “Parents have to find out what their children know before talking to them.”
Talking with Kids about Tough Issues then offers the following plan:
Initiate discussion
Use a “talk opportunity” to introduce the subject of AIDS to your child. For example, try tying a discussion into
something your child sees or hears, such as a commercial about AIDS. After you and your child watch the ad, say something like, “Have you heard about AIDS before? Well, what do you think AIDS is?” This way, you can figure out what she already understands and work from there.
Present the facts
Offer honest, accurate information that’s appropriate to a child’s age and development. To an 8-year-old you
might say, “AIDS is a disease that makes people very sick. It’s caused by a virus, called HIV, which is a tiny
germ.” An older child can absorb more detailed information: “Your body is made up of billions of cells. Some of these cells, called T-cells, help your body stay healthy by fighting off disease. But if you get a virus called HIV, that virus kills the T- cells. Over time, the body can’t fight disease any more
and that person has AIDS.”
Pre-teens should also understand how condoms could help protect people from getting AIDS and that the disease can be transmitted between persons who share drug needles. (If you have already explained
sexual intercourse to your children, you might add, “During sexual intercourse, the semen from the man’s
body goes into the woman’s body. That semen can carry HIV.” If you have not yet talked about sex, don’t bring it up during initial discussions about AIDS. It’s not a good idea for your child’s first information about sex to be associated with such a serious disease.)
Set them straight
Children’s misconceptions about AIDS can be pretty scary, so it’s important to correct them as soon as possible. Suppose your 8-year-old comes home from school one day, tearful because she fell down on the playground, scraped her knee and started bleeding and the other kids told her she would get AIDS. As a parent, you might explain, “No, you don’t have AIDS. You’re fine. You can’t get AIDS from scraping your knee. The way you can get AIDS is when the fluids from your body mix with those of someone who has AIDS. Do you
understand?” After such a discussion, it’s also wise to check back with your child and see what she remembers. Understanding AIDS, particularly for young children, takes more than a single conversation.
Foster self-esteem
Praising our children frequently, setting realistic goals and keeping up with their interests are
an effective way to build self-esteem. And that’s important, because when kids feel good about themselves, they are much more likely to withstand peer pressure to have sex before they are ready, or to not do drugs. In short, they are less likely to engage in behavior that could put them at risk for AIDS.
Put your child’s safety first
Some adults mistakenly believe that AIDS is only a disease of homosexuals. Whatever your beliefs, try not to let your opinions or feelings prevent you from giving your child the facts about AIDS and its transmission — it’s informations that’s essential to their health.
Be prepared to discuss death
When talking with your kids about AIDS, questions about death may come up. So get ready to answer them by
reading books available at libraries or bookstores. In the meantime, here are
three helpful tips:
• Explain death in simple terms. Explain that when someone dies, they don’t breathe, or eat, or feel hungry or cold, and you won’t see them again. Although very young children won’t be able to understand such finality, that’s okay. Just be patient and repeat the message whenever appropriate.
•
Never explain death in terms of sleep. It may make your child worry that if he falls asleep, he’ll never wake
up.
• Offer reassurance. If appropriate, tell your child that you are not going to die from AIDS and that he
won’t either. Stress that while AIDS is serious, it is preventable.
Bell adds that parents sometimes apply double standards when speaking to their male or female children.
They shouldn’t, he says, because once the HIV/AIDS conversation is over, it it inevitable that sex will come
up.
“They should learn that decisions about having sex, even oral sex, can lead to HIV infections,” Bell says. “HIV is a serious issue– but very often we in the black community think we are invincible and we think we can’t catch it, so we don’t talk about it or protect against it, but the devastation that the disease can cause teaches us otherwise.”
Bell explains the devastation simply. “I have lost friends.”
F.A.C.E.S is in the process of planning town hall meetings in the Richmond area to help parents and the community at large understand HIV/AIDS.
Contact Bell at 1-866-212-8837 or write to P.O. Box 6038, Richmond, VA 23222-0038 if you’d like to host one,
donate otherwise or need emotional support.
