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<channel>
	<title>Black Parent Magazine Blog</title>
	<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1</link>
	<description>Simply for the chit chat</description>
	<pubDate>Wed, 11 Jul 2007 18:26:56 +0000</pubDate>
	<generator>http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.2</generator>
	<language>en</language>
			<item>
		<title>Excuses, Excuses, Failure</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/07/11/excuses-excuses-failure/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/07/11/excuses-excuses-failure/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 11 Jul 2007 18:09:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>BPMBlogger</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Publisher's Corner</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/07/11/excuses-excuses-failure/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#8220;He was at the wrong place at the wrong time&#8221;
&#8220;My son is no rapist&#8221;
Then why was his DNA, semen, found in the house where a mother and her young son were brutally raped, sodomized and tortured for hours?
I have no patience for such parents who&#8217;d rather blame anyone and anything but themselves and their wayward [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&#8220;He was at the wrong place at the wrong time&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;My son is no rapist&#8221;</p>
<p>Then why was his DNA, semen, found in the house where a mother and her young son were brutally raped, sodomized and tortured for hours?</p>
<p>I have no patience for such parents who&#8217;d rather blame anyone and anything but themselves and their wayward children. Just tell everyone that you have failed as a parent or that you bore a monster!! What God did to Sodom and Gommorah is what should happen in such places!<br />
Read the story below and tell me if I&#8217;m being overly harsh.</p>
<p>____________________________________________________________________________________</p>
<h1 class="art-head">Mother and Son Attacked in Heinous Three-Hour Ordeal at the Hands of 10 Masked Teens</h1>
<p class="art-author">Date: Wednesday, July 11, 2007<br />
By: Brian Skoloff and Jennifer Kay, Associated Press</p>
<p>WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) Mother and son huddled together, battered and beaten, in the bathroom &#8212; sobbing, wondering why no one came to help. Surely the neighbors had heard their screams. The walls are thin, the screen doors flimsy in this violence-plagued housing project on the edge of downtown.</p>
<p>For three hours, the pair say, they endured sheer terror as the 35-year-old Haitian immigrant was raped and sodomized by up to 10 masked teenagers and her 12-year-old son was beaten in another room.</p>
<p>Then, mother and son were reunited to endure the unspeakable: At gunpoint, the woman was forced to perform oral sex on the boy, she later told a TV station.</p>
<p>Afterward, they were doused with household cleansers, perhaps in a haphazard attempt to scrub the crime scene, or maybe simply to torture the victims even more. The solutions burned the boy&#8217;s eyes.</p>
<p>The thugs then fled, taking with them a couple of hundred dollars&#8217; worth of cash, jewelry and cell phones.</p>
<p>In the interview with WPTV, the mother described how she and her son sobbed in the bathroom, too shocked to move. Then, in the dark of night, they walked a mile to the hospital because they had no phone to call for help.</p>
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<div id="flashcontent" />Two teenagers &#8212; a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old &#8212; have been arrested. Eight others are being sought.Welcome to Dunbar Village, a place residents call hell.</p>
<p>&#8220;So a lady was raped. Big deal,&#8221; resident Paticiea Matlock said with disgust. &#8220;There&#8217;s too much other crime happening here.&#8221;</p>
<p>Built in 1940 to house poor blacks in then-segregated West Palm Beach, Dunbar Village&#8217;s 226 units sit just blocks from million-dollar condos on the Intracoastal Waterway. Billionaires lounge on beachfront property just a few miles away on Palm Beach.</p>
<p>The public housing project&#8217;s one- and two-story barracks-style buildings are spread across 17 grassy, tree-lined acres surrounded by an eight-foot iron fence. The average rent is about $150 a month.</p>
<p>Almost 60 percent of the households in the area that includes Dunbar Village were below the poverty level in 2000, according to Census figures. Only 19 percent of the area&#8217;s residents had high school degrees. About 9 percent of the adults were unemployed, nearly triple the state average.</p>
<p>Teenagers with gold-plated teeth wander the streets. Drug dealers hang out on nearby sidewalks. Trash bin lids are open. Flies hover over dirty diapers. Clothes dry on sagging lines.</p>
<p>Since the June 18 attack, police have increased patrols in the area, blocked off one entrance and will soon install surveillance cameras.</p>
<p>&#8220;It took this to make that happen?&#8221; Matlock, a 32-year-old single mother of three, snarled.</p>
<p>As in other blighted neighborhoods across the country where criminals seem to have free rein, residents here live in fear. Snitches get stitches, they say. Or worse.</p>
<p>&#8220;I try to be in my house no later than 7, and I don&#8217;t come out,&#8221; said Citoya Greenwood, 33, who lives in Dunbar with her 4-year-old daughter. &#8220;I don&#8217;t even answer my door anymore.&#8221; On the Fourth of July, &#8220;we didn&#8217;t know if we was hearing gunshots or fireworks.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>Avion Lawson, 14, and Nathan Walker, 16, will be charged as adults in the assault and gang rape, prosecutors said. They are jailed without bail.</p>
<p>Lawson&#8217;s DNA was found in a condom at the crime scene, and he admitted involvement, authorities say. Police say Walker&#8217;s palm print was discovered inside the home. He denies being there. His attorney says he will plead not guilty. Lawson&#8217;s public defender did not return telephone messages.</p>
<p>Walker and Lawson did not live at Dunbar but visited often. Lawson stayed with his grandmother there. Walker came to hang out and play basketball. Dunbar has become the place to be for wayward black teens, residents and neighborhood kids say.</p>
<p>Walker and Lawson both grew up mostly fatherless, bouncing between homes. Walker&#8217;s family sometimes lived in old cars or abandoned houses, said his mother, Ruby Nell Walker.</p>
<p>&#8220;We&#8217;ve never really had a real home,&#8221; said Naporcha Walker, Nathan&#8217;s 15-year-old sister.</p>
<p>He dropped out of school after spending three years in seventh grade. The family lives on food stamps and recently had to pawn their television and radio, Ruby Walker said.</p>
<p>&#8220;I just feel like he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. &#8230; My son is not a rapist,&#8221; she said.</p>
<p>Ruby Walker said she herself was raped twice, at ages 7 and 12. She said that just days before the Dunbar attack, someone tried to rape her again, and &#8220;my son came to me crying and said he wouldn&#8217;t ever do that to anyone.&#8221;</p>
<p>She has had her own problems with the law &#8212; at least nine arrests on charges such as disorderly conduct, aggravated assault and battery, according to state records.</p>
<p>Avion Lawson was a headstrong kid, never listening to his mother, said his cousin, Cassandra Ellis.</p>
<p>&#8220;I knew he was bad, but I never pictured him to be that type of bad,&#8221; Ellis said. She said one traumatic experience may have scarred him &#8212; watching his older sister fatally stab a boyfriend.</p>
<p>&#8220;It was an accident. She killed her boyfriend. They was fighting, there was a knife,&#8221; Ellis said. &#8220;He was there when it happened.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8212;</p>
<p>City officials are quick to note that neither Lawson nor Walker lived at Dunbar, and say they are doing their best to make the place safe.</p>
<p>As quickly as overhead lights can be replaced, they are shot out, so officials are now considering bulletproof lighting.</p>
<p>&#8220;Isn&#8217;t that quite a commentary on what the situation is there?&#8221; said City Commissioner Molly Douglas, whose district includes part of Dunbar. &#8220;Dunbar Village is a hell hole. They shouldn&#8217;t have to live in fear.&#8221;</p>
<p>More officers are hitting the streets, but &#8220;I just bow my head sometimes and think we just couldn&#8217;t possibly have enough officers ever to take care of all of this,&#8221; Douglas said.</p>
<p>Laurel Robinson, head of the city&#8217;s housing authority, said that up until about four years ago, the federal government provided the city with $160,000 a year for security in public housing projects, but Congress did away with the money.</p>
<p>&#8220;Every family housing project in the country has suffered because of it,&#8221; she said.</p>
<p>&#8212;-</p>
<p>The rape victim and her son have not returned to their apartment since the attack.</p>
<p>The woman fled Port-au-Prince, Haiti, with her son seven years ago in search of a better life. With no money, they landed in Dunbar. The two almost instantly became targets for crime, standing out as Haitians among the mostly American-born blacks in the housing project. Her car and the boy&#8217;s bicycle were stolen. Their house was ransacked.</p>
<p>On the night of the attack, she was lured outside by a teenager who knocked on the door and said her car had a flat. Nine more teens, their faces shrouded with T-shirts, barged in, she told authorities. They brandished guns and demanded money, then went beyond the imaginable.</p>
<p>&#8220;I was so scared,&#8221; the woman told WPTV. &#8220;Some of them had sex with me twice, some of them had sex with me three times. They&#8217;re beating me up. They make me do those things over and over. The man with the big gun, he put the gun inside of me.&#8221;</p>
<p>She said that when she was forced to perform oral sex on her own son, she told the boy: &#8220;I know you love me, and I love you, too.&#8221;</p>
<p>Investigators say it is not clear exactly why the thugs picked her house.</p>
<p>The boy&#8217;s sight has returned. Both mother and son are seeking counseling.</p>
<p>&#8220;I have to try and talk to him every day. He&#8217;s so angry,&#8221; the woman said. &#8220;He said we never should have moved to Dunbar Village.&#8221;
</p>
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		<title>BP Business Profile:www.gemnasium.com</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/26/bp-business-profilewwwgemnasiumcom/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/26/bp-business-profilewwwgemnasiumcom/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Jun 2007 01:16:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>BPMBlogger</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Business Profiles</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/26/bp-business-profilewwwgemnasiumcom/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Tee Williams makes jewelry that’s as individual as you are; at a cost that would wow even the most frugal. She knows how to bring your stylish ideas into jewelry reality.
Her company, which sells online, is up and coming. The up and coming is a slow and laborious process, but it’s also rewarding for her [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Tee Williams makes jewelry that’s as individual as you are; at a cost that would wow even the most frugal. She knows how to bring your stylish ideas into jewelry reality.<br />
Her company, which sells online, is up and coming. The up and coming is a slow and laborious process, but it’s also rewarding for her because she’s doing what she loves.<br />
Below is Williams in her own words.</p>
<p>My name is Tee Williams.  I am the proud owner of www.gemnasium.com, an online jewelry boutique physically located in Illinois.  I am a devoted wife and mother.   I have a professional license as a court reporter.  After reporting for over 10 years, I decided I wanted to use my God-given gifts to make others happy, and to do something I love, rather than something to make ends meet.  I have longed to have my own business for years.  It took a while to realize my gifts, but the Lord has shown them to me.  I create unique pieces of jewelry that are custom designed with creativity, love, attention, and style. <br />
My family has been very supportive, as I have tried almost every multi-marketing business out there, to no avail.  It was when I went to get some beads for my hair that I noticed jewelry-making kits in the same aisle.  I picked up a kit, put a necklace together, and I was amazed at how much joy it gave me.  I used to sew as a child, so I’ve always had a knack for art.  I never knew I could string beads and be so creative.  I am passionate about what I do.  I make an effort to pass out at least three business cards a day.  I have a decal on my car, and I’ve registered with many, many websites in an effort to reach a captive audience.  I have been in business going on a year, and I expect to be in business for many years to come.<br />
     I find the most joy out of selling any one of my jewelry pieces, as it is always exciting to realize that someone else likes your work.  It’s easy to love what you make, but when someone else loves it,  your heart is warmed.  On the same note, I am surprised at what people actually like.  Some of the pieces that I think will sell right away, sit longer than I thought.  It’s amazing.      	This brings me to the biggest challenge in my business. <br />
The other big challenge for me is staying creative.  I keep my eyes open.  I pay attention to what jewelry women are wearing.   I am constantly viewing beading magazines for ideas.  I don’t want to make too much or too little of one thing.  These are the challenges I face, but I love it.  Another big challenge I have is making a jewelry line for men.  I am constantly asked when I will have men’s jewelry.   That is my next hurdle.<br />
              I am looking forward to growing my business.  I am so excited about it.  I know I will go far.  In being a new business owner, I hope others will learn to follow their dreams.  Don’t let anything hold you back.  Know that there are resources available to help you in any aspect of your chosen business or career.  Stay prayerful.  Stay focused, and market, market, market.</p>
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		<title>Call it as it is</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/25/call-it-as-it-is/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/25/call-it-as-it-is/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 25 Jun 2007 04:10:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>BPMBlogger</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Publisher's Corner</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/25/call-it-as-it-is/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A child is a child is a child. Stop calling a child a fetus. Enough with the nonsensical semantics already. A child has been killed. That child was kicking inside her mother&#8217;s womb a week ago. Before a monster decided to take her life, along with her mother&#8217;s. Just because she was not yet born [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A child is a child is a child. Stop calling a child a fetus. Enough with the nonsensical semantics already. A child has been killed. That child was kicking inside her mother&#8217;s womb a week ago. Before a monster decided to take her life, along with her mother&#8217;s. Just because she was not yet born does not make her any less of a human. That the police have charged her supposed father with her killing and her mother&#8217;s killing should be enough to let all reporters know that a human being died. I&#8217;m a reporter too but I vaue humanity more than some AP style book.<br />
I&#8217;m talking about the case of Jessie Davis. The 26-year-old Ohio mother who vanished from the home she shares with her 2-year-old son only to be found a week later, murdered, her nine-month-old pregnant belly still pregnant. Her boyfriend, a local police officer, has been charged. It&#8217;s a heart-breaking case.
</p>
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		<title>Black Parent Foundation</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/13/black-parent-foundation/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/13/black-parent-foundation/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 Jun 2007 12:54:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>BPMBlogger</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Publisher's Corner</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/13/black-parent-foundation/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Today marks the first day in the existence of the Black Parent Foundation (BPF), a not-for-profit charitable organization dedicated to opening doors towards higher education for primarily black students with low incomes but who otherwise have academic prowess.
The foundation&#8217;s main goal is to give students up to age 17 chances that they may otherwise not [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Today marks the first day in the existence of the Black Parent Foundation (BPF), a not-for-profit charitable organization dedicated to opening doors towards higher education for primarily black students with low incomes but who otherwise have academic prowess.<br />
The foundation&#8217;s main goal is to give students up to age 17 chances that they may otherwise not have. Students have to apply to be considered for scholarships which start from $250.<br />
Students who apply have to mainatin a B-average, write a 350-word essay on a topic of their choice and send in a statement on &#8220;Me, Five Years From Today.&#8221;<br />
The foundation is the charitable arm of Black Parent magazine. It will solicit donations to support its mission from the public.
</p>
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		<title>Autism and children&#8217;s immunizations</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/11/autism-and-childrens-immunizations/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/11/autism-and-childrens-immunizations/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 11 Jun 2007 12:54:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>BPMBlogger</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Publisher's Corner</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/11/autism-and-childrens-immunizations/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A court is this week hearing testimony from a national lawsuit alleging that the common MMR (mumps, measles, rubella) children&#8217;s vaccination given at around 18 months can lead to autism.
While research, including by the government, has debunked that there is no direct correlation, some parents are convinced that their children&#8217;s autism was triggered by the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A court is this week hearing testimony from a national lawsuit alleging that the common MMR (mumps, measles, rubella) children&#8217;s vaccination given at around 18 months can lead to autism.</p>
<p>While research, including by the government, has debunked that there is no direct correlation, some parents are convinced that their children&#8217;s autism was triggered by the mercury in the MMR vaccination. The lawsuit seeks to hold drug manufacturers of MMR liable. They say that the mercury levels in the vaccine is toxic.</p>
<p>It is unclear if genetics or race plays a role in the development of autism. This is a condition that seems to affect all children, from all backgrounds, at an equal level. Black and Latino children, especially those from the lower economic strata, do however get diagnosed later and therefore receive treatment later too.</p>
<p>For the pro and con arguments on the autism/immunization argument, check out the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services website: www.hhs.gov/autism
</p>
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		<title>Master P Gets Conscious</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/02/master-p-gets-conscious/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/06/02/master-p-gets-conscious/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 02 Jun 2007 23:33:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>BPMBlogger</dc:creator>
		
	<category>Publisher's Corner</category>
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		<description><![CDATA[I love it when someone who once contributed to the denigration of the black community develops a conscious. The latest one is rapper and business mogul Master P. aka P. Miller. The ho&#8217;s, b&#8230;.&#8217;s, whatever business has to be weeded out. The pure disregard of women, education and all good in th black community should [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I love it when someone who once contributed to the denigration of the black community develops a conscious. The latest one is rapper and business mogul Master P. aka P. Miller. The ho&#8217;s, b&#8230;.&#8217;s, whatever business has to be weeded out. The pure disregard of women, education and all good in th black community should end and it seems like P. Miller might help in that regard. Our children deserve it. Below is how Master P. is making a change&#8230; and plugging all his upcpoming projects in the meantime!<br />
_______________________________________________________________________________________</p>
<p>Music mogul, Master P, released the following open letter in response to comments made by 50 Cent at a recent BET press conference.</p>
<p>IT&#8217;S TIME FOR CHANGE</p>
<p>Curtis Jackson&#8217;s comment motivated me. There are a lot of immature people in the world. Oprah Winfrey is absolutely right, we need to grow up and be responsible for our own actions. I paid for Curtis&#8217;s first rap tour through the South. He was such a humble guy at the time. Most artists&#8217; mission is to sell records. My mission is to help save and change lives. There&#8217;s a lack of knowledge and false information out there. I could actually say Little Jay and Rap-A-Lot Records inspired my successful career and I will always respect them no matter what. I wrote the blueprint for this generation. The only difference is there&#8217;s no more honor and respect in the game.</p>
<p>Think about it: people in jail are not writing letters proclaiming to come out and do the same thing that landed them there in the first place. People in the hood don&#8217;t want to stay poor for the rest of their lives. They want to change. Parents that really love their kids would rather sacrifice their own lives so that their kids could make a change to have a better life and a better education. I&#8217;m glad that there are people like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and organizations like the NAACP that are out there fighting for our rights and dignity. I have finally realized that EVERY person is either a part of the problem or part of the solution and that is why I have decided to take a stand! I&#8217;m reaching out to corporate America to form an alliance for the sake of putting the value back into our communities by rebuilding and developing schools and businesses.</p>
<p>First of all, it&#8217;s simply disappointing to see people that are in a position to help make a change just sit back and entertain the negativity. It&#8217;s sad to see Steven Hill set all of these programming standards at BET, just to contradict himself for the sake of marketing dollars or artist performances in order to create the appearance of a successful award show. The record company with the biggest marketing check controls the music video stations so we need to go after the people who actually control these programming networks if we want real CHANGE.</p>
<p>I guess by taking a stand, my son and I will probably not be invited back to the BET Awards. But it&#8217;s O.K. I got love for BET; there are a lot of good people there. Hopefully, this will help people to see the real changes that need to be made. My son and I will sacrifice our airtime because this is bigger than us, this issue desperately needed to be addressed a long time ago.</p>
<p>There are four things that differentiate me from artists like Curtis Jackson.</p>
<p>One, I can honestly admit that I was once part of the problem.</p>
<p>Two, I don&#8217;t want my son to grow up and be like me. I want him to be better and do better &#8212; and that is why he is taking the time to pursue a college degree.</p>
<p>Three, money don&#8217;t make me, I make money. My goal is to educate our people in building generational wealth and knowing how important it is to own real estate.</p>
<p>Four, I&#8217;m a TRUE entrepreneur; my boss is God not Jimmy Iovine. From one brother to another, if you misunderstand my purpose you could always pick up the phone or talk to me in person. I&#8217;m trying to be part of the solution not the problem. The media thrives on entertaining, especially the negativity no matter what the cost. I&#8217;m praying for the brothers that are lost out there.</p>
<p>Throughout the years, I have lost so many relatives and friends. This year, I&#8217;d like to focus on the comedy movies because we need to laugh more. The first movie that I&#8217;m producing is &#8220;Black Supaman&#8221; and thereafter will be &#8220;The Mail Man&#8221; starring Tony Cox and myself. I&#8217;m setting up a book tour for &#8220;Guaranteed Success&#8221; and a Hip Hop Business class with financial expert Curtis Oakes for those seeking knowledge. I understand that I can&#8217;t change the whole Hip Hop industry; I&#8217;m only trying to do my part. If you&#8217;re real, be a part of the positive movement with Take A Stand Records.com Look for the first single &#8220;I Wanna Be Like You&#8221; from the album &#8220;Hip Hop History.&#8221; I&#8217;m in negotiations with Wal-Mart and Target for direct distribution. Those are all examples of the positive difference I am trying to make in this industry.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m reaching out to my friends Shaquille O&#8217;Neal, Will Smith, Russell Simmons, Queen Latifah, Derek Anderson, Charles Barkley, Emmitt Smith, Beyonce, and Reverend Run to help contribute to this positive movement. I will also be holding a press conference with the president NAACP and will be able to answer any questions at that time. I am not asking any other hip-hop or gangsta rap artist change what they do; that&#8217;s how they make their money. Furthermore, I am not a preacher; I&#8217;m just telling the world what I&#8217;m doing and the changes that I am making because it&#8217;s something I want to do. If that&#8217;s sending mixed signals to people then they need to deal with their own conscience first.</p>
<p>P. Miller
</p>
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		<title>Terrible Two&#8217;s?</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/31/terrible-twos/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/31/terrible-twos/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 31 May 2007 19:18:06 +0000</pubDate>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/31/terrible-twos/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[My 2-year-old is such a helper, a darling and a terror. He is often kind and generous but also often mean and stingy.
He smiles one moment and throws a tantrum a moment later.
He loves me right now but a second later he wants to hit me.
I don&#8217;t know if this is because he is two. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My 2-year-old is such a helper, a darling and a terror. He is often kind and generous but also often mean and stingy.</p>
<p>He smiles one moment and throws a tantrum a moment later.</p>
<p>He loves me right now but a second later he wants to hit me.</p>
<p>I don&#8217;t know if this is because he is two. Heck, I don&#8217;t even know if the terrible two&#8217;s really exist or if most kids just become terrors at that age. All I know is that it is very draining dealing with my firstborn.
</p>
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		<title>Talking to your child about HIV/AIDS</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/30/talking-to-your-child-about-hivaids/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/30/talking-to-your-child-about-hivaids/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 May 2007 14:40:53 +0000</pubDate>
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	<category>Black Parent Stories</category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/30/talking-to-your-child-about-hivaids/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[By Marlene Jones
On June 27th, the country will once again commemorate the National HIV Testing Day. There will be some
positive results and some of those who receive them may be close to you and your family. Would you know how to react to and be understanding of such news; would your children?
HIV/AIDS educators say that [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>By Marlene Jones</p>
<p>On June 27th, the country will once again commemorate the National HIV Testing Day. There will be some<br />
positive results and some of those who receive them may be close to you and your family. Would you know how to react to and be understanding of such news; would your children?</p>
<p>HIV/AIDS educators say that when it comes to HIV and AIDS, open communication between parents and their<br />
children is vital. Those in the black community have more chances of being touched by the disease because, according to government data, blacks and especially black females, account for more new HIV infection rates in the country.</p>
<p>The Richmond area as well as the Norfolk area have more new HIV/ AIDS cases than any other areas in Virginia. So what should parents do if they learn that a close relative, or student at their child&#8217;s school, or a family member of their child&#8217;s friend, is HIV positive?</p>
<p>What, if any, concerns or restrictions should be imposed? What should parents do to help their children understand the realities instead of the myths and fears about HIV?</p>
<p>As upsetting and confusing as it can be to bring up the subject of AIDS with young children, it&#8217;s essential to do so, say experts at Talking With Kids About Tough Issues, a national campaign by Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation. By the time children reach third grade, research shows that as many as 93 percent of children have already heard about the illness. Yet, while kids are hearing about HIV/AIDS early on, what they are learning is often inaccurate and frightening. You can set the record straight, but only if you know the<br />
facts yourself.</p>
<p>What are the facts?<br />
Start by teaching that the one who is sick, loved ones, friends and contacts all deserve understanding and compassion.</p>
<p>Second, your child needs to have HIV/AIDS clearly explained at her/his own level.</p>
<p>“Children pick up a lot more things from TV than what parents may feel is comfortable,” says C. Dallas Bell, director of F.A.C.E.S (Facing Aids Comes Emotional Support), a Richmond-based non profit organization that offers HIV/ AIDS emotional support.<br />
Bell continues: “Parents have to find out what their children know before talking to them.”</p>
<p>Talking with Kids about Tough Issues then offers the following plan:</p>
<p>Initiate discussion<br />
Use a “talk opportunity” to introduce the subject of AIDS to your child. For example, try tying a discussion into<br />
something your child sees or hears, such as a commercial about AIDS. After you and your child watch the ad, say something like, “Have you heard about AIDS before? Well, what do you think AIDS is?” This way, you can figure out what she already understands and work from there.</p>
<p>Present the facts<br />
Offer honest, accurate information that’s appropriate to a child’s age and development. To an 8-year-old you<br />
might say, “AIDS is a disease that makes people very sick. It’s caused by a virus, called HIV, which is a tiny<br />
germ.” An older child can absorb more detailed information: “Your body is made up of billions of cells. Some of these cells, called T-cells, help your body stay healthy by fighting off disease. But if you get a virus called HIV, that virus kills the T- cells. Over time, the body can’t fight disease any more<br />
and that person has AIDS.&#8221; </p>
<p>Pre-teens should also understand how condoms could help protect people from getting AIDS and that the disease can be transmitted between persons who share drug needles. (If you have already explained<br />
sexual intercourse to your children, you might add, “During sexual intercourse, the semen from the man&#8217;s<br />
body goes into the woman&#8217;s body. That semen can carry HIV.” If you have not yet talked about sex, don’t bring it up during initial discussions about AIDS. It’s not a good idea for your child’s first information about sex to be associated with such a serious disease.)</p>
<p>Set them straight<br />
Children’s misconceptions about AIDS can be pretty scary, so it’s important to correct them as soon as possible. Suppose your 8-year-old comes home from school one day, tearful because she fell down on the playground, scraped her knee and started bleeding and the other kids told her she would get AIDS. As a parent, you might explain, “No, you don&#8217;t have AIDS. You’re fine. You can’t get AIDS from scraping your knee. The way you can get AIDS is when the fluids from your body mix with those of someone who has AIDS. Do you<br />
understand?” After such a discussion, it’s also wise to check back with your child and see what she remembers. Understanding AIDS, particularly for young children, takes more than a single conversation.</p>
<p>Foster self-esteem<br />
Praising our children frequently, setting realistic goals and keeping up with their interests are<br />
an effective way to build self-esteem. And that&#8217;s important, because when kids feel good about themselves, they are much more likely to withstand peer pressure to have sex before they are ready, or to not do drugs. In short, they are less likely to engage in behavior that could put them at risk for AIDS.</p>
<p>Put your child&#8217;s safety first<br />
Some adults mistakenly believe that AIDS is only a disease of homosexuals. Whatever your beliefs, try not to let your opinions or feelings prevent you from giving your child the facts about AIDS and its transmission &#8212; it&#8217;s informations that’s essential to their health.</p>
<p>Be prepared to discuss death<br />
When talking with your kids about AIDS, questions about death may come up. So get ready to answer them by<br />
reading books available at libraries or bookstores. In the meantime, here are<br />
three helpful tips:<br />
• Explain death in simple terms. Explain that when someone dies, they don’t breathe, or eat, or feel hungry or cold, and you won’t see them again. Although very young children won&#8217;t be able to understand such finality, that&#8217;s okay. Just be patient and repeat the message whenever appropriate.<br />
•<br />
Never explain death in terms of sleep. It may make your child worry that if he falls asleep, he&#8217;ll never wake<br />
up.<br />
• Offer reassurance. If appropriate, tell your child that you are not going to die from AIDS and that he<br />
won’t either. Stress that while AIDS is serious, it is preventable.</p>
<p>Bell adds that parents sometimes apply double standards when speaking to their male or female children.<br />
They shouldn’t, he says, because once the HIV/AIDS conversation is over, it it inevitable that sex will come<br />
up.</p>
<p>“They should learn that decisions about having sex, even oral sex, can lead to HIV infections,” Bell says. “HIV is a serious issue&#8211; but very often we in the black community think we are invincible and we think we can’t catch it, so we don’t talk about it or protect against it, but the devastation that the disease can cause teaches us otherwise.”</p>
<p>Bell explains the devastation simply. “I have lost friends.”</p>
<p>F.A.C.E.S is in the process of planning town hall meetings in the Richmond area to help parents and the community at large understand HIV/AIDS.<br />
Contact Bell at 1-866-212-8837 or write to P.O. Box 6038, Richmond, VA 23222-0038 if you’d like to host one,<br />
donate otherwise or need emotional support.</p>
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		<title>Your self-image and your parenting</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/30/your-self-image-and-your-parenting/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/30/your-self-image-and-your-parenting/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 May 2007 14:14:58 +0000</pubDate>
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	<category>Black Parent Stories</category>
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		<description><![CDATA[By Marlene Jones
The things on our bodies that make people self-conscious, according to those who have studied such individuals, could be imagined or real, big or small, but they all have a way of detracting from an individual’s body-image. 
The balding spot or the body and facial hair that doesn’t seem to fit popular standards. [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>By Marlene Jones</p>
<p>The things on our bodies that make people self-conscious, according to those who have studied such individuals, could be imagined or real, big or small, but they all have a way of detracting from an individual’s body-image. </p>
<p>The balding spot or the body and facial hair that doesn’t seem to fit popular standards. The slightly malformed ear, or the nose that doesn’t “comply” with the dominant culture. The stretchmarks that take residence only too often after a shift in weight, like during pregnancy or other weight gain, or a reoccurring zit in the middle of one’s forehead. The non-existent “six-pack” abdominal muscles or the wide hips that don’t seem to behave when one is shopping for a new pair of jeans&#8230;The list goes on.</p>
<p>But when it comes to children, the list need not go on, it could be cut short by mindful parents and caretakers. It doesn’t always happen that way, however.</p>
<p>Parents’ Role<br />
Experts say that parents and other adults most often contribute to the negative body image and self-esteem of<br />
the children around them. Most often, they pass along their own insecurities to the children.<br />
“Your children pay attention to what you say and do, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes,” note child experts at the National Women’s Health Center (NWHC), in the nation’s capital. “If you are always complaining about your weight or feel pressure to change your body shape, your children may learn that these are<br />
important concerns.”</p>
<p>Consequently parents with positive body images influence their children to be the same. NWHC in a report on body image, explains that children pick up on comments about regular image problems that can affect children, especially girls, as they enter their teen years. These can impact their habits in potentially unhealthy ways. They include:<br />
* having parents, mostly mothers, concerned about their own weight or image;<br />
* having parents who are overly concerned about their children’s weight and looks;<br />
* natural weight gain and other body changes during puberty;<br />
* peer pressure to look a certain way;<br />
* struggles with self-esteem; and<br />
* media images showing the “ideal” female or male body as a certain prototype.</p>
<p>Girls and even boys with parents who are overly concerned with their supposed image problems may actually resort to extreme measures to fix those supposed problems. When it comes to weight concerns, NWHC notes that actions such as skipping meals or taking diet pills can take precedent and for some, extreme efforts to lose weight can lead to eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia. For others, the pressure to be thin<br />
can actually lead to binge eating disorder, which is overeating that is followed by extreme guilt. What’s more, girls are more likely to further risk their health by trying to lose weight in unhealthy ways, such as<br />
smoking.</p>
<p>“While not as common, boys are also at risk of developing unhealthy eating habits and eating disorders. Body image becomes an important issue for teenage boys as they struggle with body changes and pay more attention to media images of the ‘ideal’ muscular male,” according to NWHC.</p>
<p>“A Girl Like Me”<br />
For blacks specifically, the topic of negative self-body imagery has always been less discussed. It however, came full circle last summer when 17- year-old Kiri Davis, a Harlem, N.Y. student, revisited a decades-old<br />
study in which two dolls, one black and one white, were used to determine how black children felt about themselves. The dolls were identical in every way except in their complexions.</p>
<p>Below is the essence of the 8-minute short film by Davis titled “A Girl Like Me.”<br />
“Can you show me the doll that looks bad?” asks a friendly female voice. A preschool-aged black girl promptly<br />
picks up the black doll to show.<br />
“And why does that look bad?” asks the female voice again. “Because she’s black.”<br />
“And why is this the nice doll?” the voice prods. “Because she’s white.”<br />
“And can you give me the doll that looks like you?” requests the owner of the female voice. The little girl hesitates momentarily before handing over the black doll.</p>
<p>The children in “A Girl Like Me,” all between ages 4 and 5, are from a Harlem day care center and 15 of the 21 black children asked the above questions preferred the white doll over the black one.<br />
At the heart of the first test and Davis’ film was the notion that lighter skin is better than darker skin. Davis said in a televised ABC interview in October that complexion is a recurring image theme among fellow students.</p>
<p>Davis’ film was the updated version of a 1950s doll test used by psychologists Kenneth B. Clark and his wife Mamie Phipps Clark that showed how racial segregation destroyed the self-esteem and body image of black children. It sought to help make the case for desegregation in the 1954 landmark Brown v. Board of Education<br />
U.S. Supreme Court decision that ultimately outlawed racial segregation in public schools.<br />
The results Clark documented are the same results Davis’ film document, much to the chagrin of black parents and others. </p>
<p>Syndicated commentator Leonard Pitts is one of the chagrined. In a column last fall, he writes: “How is<br />
this possible? How can this still be true? How in the hell, a lifetime after a little boy in Arkansas pointed to the black doll and said, ‘That’s a nigger . . . I’m a nigger,’ can we still have black children who think black<br />
and bad are synonymous? “Some of us were born of the generation that came of age with a mandate to hurl that thinking back onto history’s trash heap. Some of us remember when James Brown sang ‘Say It Loud, I’m Black and I’m Proud.’ Some of us knew that when Aretha Franklin spelled out ‘Respect’, she wasn’t<br />
just talking to a feckless lover. Some of us piled Afros high on our heads and sprayed them with Afro Sheen till they shone. Some of us clenched our fists and cried ‘Black is Beautiful’ in the face of a nation that had<br />
always told us you could be one or the other, but never both.</p>
<p>“And for what? So that 40 years later, our children would still parrot media-derived lies of their own worthlessness? What’s appalling is that many of the lies now originate with black people themselves.”</p>
<p>Pitts says the media images to which children are exposed bear much of the blame. The images portrayed on mainstream TV, for example, tend to show either whites or blacks who are closer to the white, mainstream<br />
standard of beauty. Black-oriented TV also shows that same black person, often with modifications, including the occasional blue or green eyes, the long straightened, sometimes blonde hair and the nose, ala entertainers Lil’ Kim and Michael Jackson.</p>
<p>“A new generation, afflicted with historical amnesia, blind indifference and a worship of filthy lucre, dances a metaphoric buck and wing, eyes rolling, yassuh bossing, selling itself out, selling its forebears out. Most<br />
of all, selling the children out,” according to Pitts.</p>
<p>Esther Dolla, a Mechanicsville, Va. eighth grade student, says that among her school and classmates, complexion is just one piece of the whole body image puzzle. She says that body shape and weight, brand name clothes, popular gadgets such as iPods, having a socalled “pretty face,” and even having or<br />
lacking an “attitude” also contribute heavily to students’ self image.<br />
“They can really make someone feel unimportant,” she says. “It can get on someone’s nerves.”</p>
<p>Leona’s Story<br />
Leona Phillips, 31, says that at the very beginning of her freshman year in high school, she would have gladly traded in multiple body parts in her desire to be someone else. Her main desire was to look like TV’s “Saved by the Bell” star Lark Voorhies. She wanted Voorhies’ long black hair with its brown shimmery streaks, her<br />
straight and narrow nose, somewhat thin lips and slender, petite physique.</p>
<p>“I always thought she was so pretty,” says Phillips, a mother of one son. “I always wondered how it was that she was black and still look so&#8230;white&#8230;so beautiful. “I really wanted to be her.”</p>
<p>Phillips, who lives in Henrico County, Va., remembers that she was experiencing ridicule from her schoolmates because of her unmistakable Afrocentric features, including her dark skin, “kinky” and “nappy” hair, a broad flat nose, full lips, larger than average breasts, thighs and wider hips than most of her classmates.</p>
<p>“There were girls who used to call me ‘tar girl’ or make fun of my hair because it was not straightened. I remember these two black girls who were always terrorizing me telling me sarcastically that with curls like<br />
mine, everyone envied me.”</p>
<p>The torture went on through high school and Phillips shares that after graduation when she met the young man who became her first boyfriend, she was so eager for compliments, she became a clingy girlfriend.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t get over the fact that he actually liked me. When I met him, I had just convinced my mother to let me straighten my hair, but that was the only thing I could change,” says the Guyana native, who now<br />
admits that she was suffering from low self-esteem and a self-loathing image of herself.</p>
<p>When she became pregnant within a year of her graduation, Phillips says she knew she had to refocus her priorities.</p>
<p>“Being pregnant brought me back to earth— I had to stop spending hours in front of the mirror and figure out how I was going to raise a child. I was barely 19, and I had to figure something out, especially when it became clear that I was going to be a single parent. “Being a mother has been the biggest<br />
influencer for me to love me as I am, and to love my child as he is.”</p>
<p>She no longer considers straight hair a beauty necessity and she doesn’t think she needs plastic surgery to “fix” her nose or slim her hips.</p>
<p>Help<br />
So how can improvements be made to counter negative body images?<br />
Extreme measures such as plastic surgery aside, researchers like those at the Melpomene Institute in Minneapolis, MN say that participation in sports is one of the best body image enhancers, especially for<br />
children. In a 1995 study and in consequent ones, researchers have found that youth, especially, those who play on higher numbers of sports teams have better body images, compared to those who play on few<br />
or no teams. Physical activity per se however, is not a good indicator of body image, according to researchers.</p>
<p>Apart from sports participation, the content of parental comments is also critical in determining body image. Body image scores of youth who receive negative comments from parents are much worse than the scores of those who receive positive comments. Overall, youth with high body images tend not to look outside themselves to define their body images; inwardly they are able to generate feelings of self worth, which extend to their physical appearances.</p>
<p>Experts say that the simple question “how do I look” can say a lot about someone, both adult and child. It’s a question that to some, could be as fleeting as time spent having fun, or as enduring as one’s skin color. But it is a good indicator of self worth.
</p>
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		<title>Blacks are cursed?</title>
		<link>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/30/blacks-are-cursed/</link>
		<comments>http://blackparentmagazine.com/blog1/2007/05/30/blacks-are-cursed/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 May 2007 13:19:36 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[A Black Parent reader recently sent an e-mail statiing that her husband believes that black people are cursed. According to her, her husband who is black, says that God cursed blacks by giving them the worst of everything, including coarse hair, like the reader and her child have.
&#8220;My husband is part Native American so his [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A Black Parent reader recently sent an e-mail statiing that her husband believes that black people are cursed. According to her, her husband who is black, says that God cursed blacks by giving them the worst of everything, including coarse hair, like the reader and her child have.<br />
&#8220;My husband is part Native American so his features, even his hair is not 100% black,&#8221; she says.<br />
Part of her husband&#8217;s &#8220;blacks are cursed&#8221; reasoning is because he believes blacks are lazy and God doesn&#8217;t like those who don&#8217;t care for themselves. She says that he talks about these views near their daughter and she is afraid their daughter will develop self-image issues like those covered in our March/April issue.<br />
My views about those who spew hateful remarks, whether black or not, run the gamut. I often find that ignorance has a lot to do with their hate, but other things, including upbriging, play a role.<br />
In this particular case, I think the husband probably hates himself and uses hateful, totally encompassing, views to make himself feel better. I&#8217;m no therapist but I have learned that those who put others down tend to do it as a way to make themselves feel better.
</p>
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